


Do you know?

by ImmortalAcorn



Series: Memories of Draco Malfoy [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Drabble, How Do I Tag, I Don't Even Know, Love, Love/Hate, M/M, POV First Person, Self-Doubt, Self-Reflection, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-08
Updated: 2018-09-08
Packaged: 2019-07-08 11:44:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15929756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImmortalAcorn/pseuds/ImmortalAcorn
Summary: I know I love him. I don’t know why.I know I want him. I don’t know why.I know he doesn’t love me. I don’t know if he hates me still.I know I can't have him.





	Do you know?

**Author's Note:**

> English is not my first language, sorry for any mistakes.

I know some things… 

 

I know how to read. I know how to write.

I know how to do magic.

I know what my favourite colour is.

I know how to brew the most dangerous potions.

I know who my family and friends are.

I know how to evade unpleasant situations. I know how to get into them in the first place.

I know how to become invisible, to an extent.

I know how to cry. I know how to laugh.

I know what to do in life threatening situations, most of the time.

I know who I am supposed to be.

I know what people think of me. 

I know every curse and jinx known to the magic world.

I know every curse known to the human kind.

I know how to behave in social situations.

I know how to tell bad wine from the good one.

I know my priorities.

I know how to dress.

I know how to be rude.

 

… I don’t know others.

 

I don’t know how muggles can live without magic. I don’t know if I could live without magic.

I don’t know how to cook.

I don’t know what to do with my life.

I don’t know why I go to parties.

I don’t know why I don’t dream.

I don’t know why I am still alive.

I don’t know how to stop thinking.

I don’t know how to be a slob.

I don’t know how to give orders.

I don’t know how not to cry when I am angry.

I don’t know why I still go out of the house.

I don’t know what happiness looks like anymore.

I don’t know if my laugh is genuine.

I don’t know who I really am.

I don’t know how to maintain any new relationship.

I don’t know what to do in my spare time.

I don’t know why I am not usually hungry.

I don’t know how to be a decent person.

 

I know I love him. I don’t know why.  
I know I want him. I don’t know why.  
I know he doesn’t love me. I don’t know if he hates me still.  
I know I can’t have him. I don’t know if it won’t bring me to the edge some day.  
I know why green is my favourite colour. I know why it angers me.

 

I think I wouldn’t know how to love him if I could. I don’t think I have it in me. The ability to love someone properly like they would deserve. Like he would deserve. Because there is something wrong with me.

 

So I love him in my own twisted way. I love him in my head. I don’t know why I do.  
Because I know I hate him too. I hate him. 

 

I know I love him.  
I don’t know why.  
I know I hate him.  
I know exactly why.

**Author's Note:**

> My aim is to continue this series and make it into something happy? With angst. I love angst.  
> The stories can be read on their own. But they are intended as a part of the series.


End file.
